I'm sorry I dissapointed you

and another post for today...

a conversation I had with a friend...

very person, very vague, very imaginative

my dreamy socks (10:02:53 PM): its weird, because I don't hate people
my dreamy socks (10:03:01 PM): I just almost feel insecure, or something
SweetAsCandis (10:03:35 PM): what do you mean?
my dreamy socks (10:04:09 PM): i'm not really sure
my dreamy socks (10:04:19 PM): I just feel very weary of people around me sometimes
SweetAsCandis (10:04:25 PM): yeah
my dreamy socks (10:04:30 PM): like not depressed, but scared of everyone
SweetAsCandis (10:04:50 PM): yeah... i think i know what you mean
my dreamy socks (10:06:28 PM): okay...
SweetAsCandis (10:06:50 PM): ya know what... its kinda weird... that our entire lives are built around other people
SweetAsCandis (10:07:27 PM): i dont like that... i wish i could be completely independant from other people... but at the same time i love having my friends and everyone...
my dreamy socks (10:07:41 PM): and you know what
my dreamy socks (10:07:50 PM): you can't live without the relationships that you make
SweetAsCandis (10:07:56 PM): i know
my dreamy socks (10:08:01 PM): I make my distanced, or make believe
my dreamy socks (10:08:11 PM): when maybe make theirs close, and weening
my dreamy socks (10:08:38 PM): and sometimes I fear
my dreamy socks (10:08:50 PM): i fear I live in the books I read
my dreamy socks (10:08:56 PM): or the relationships I make believe with characters
SweetAsCandis (10:09:11 PM): i know exactly what you mean
my dreamy socks (10:09:29 PM): and sometimes I wish I could make my real friends permant
my dreamy socks (10:09:38 PM): like I knew they were as real as my book characters
SweetAsCandis (10:09:46 PM): when i read a book i loose myself in it
SweetAsCandis (10:10:09 PM): i can lose my own problems or whatever in the book and take on theirs... and its easier to carry other people problems...
my dreamy socks (10:10:14 PM): and I wish you wiht the few others I trust come alive and be at myside as much as the novel beside my nightstand
SweetAsCandis (10:11:09 PM): aww... ::hug:: i want to hun
my dreamy socks (10:13:24 PM): but this is what i mean
my dreamy socks (10:13:36 PM): and sometimes... i can't take the fact that it can't happen
my dreamy socks (10:13:40 PM): and I sleep for a long time
my dreamy socks (10:13:43 PM): and thats all I want to do
my dreamy socks (10:13:44 PM): ever
SweetAsCandis (10:14:00 PM): what do you mean it cant happen?
my dreamy socks (10:16:15 PM): i dont' know
SweetAsCandis (10:16:32 PM): it can happen... it will
my dreamy socks (10:16:33 PM): i'm always afarid... and seond guessing
my dreamy socks (10:17:11 PM): i just don't think it can happen..
my dreamy socks (10:17:18 PM): i get too nervous to make things happen
SweetAsCandis (10:17:21 PM): of course it can... eventually
my dreamy socks (10:17:28 PM): I can be a leader only when I feel i know
SweetAsCandis (10:17:50 PM): but... why do you have to be a leader?
my dreamy socks (10:18:37 PM): *hold head in hands*
my dreamy socks (10:18:38 PM): I don't know
SweetAsCandis (10:19:02 PM): just... let things happen... they will still happen
my dreamy socks (10:20:32 PM): nothing ever happens like a story anymore
my dreamy socks (10:20:47 PM): I become afarid when I cna't see the ending like in a novel
SweetAsCandis (10:20:52 PM): its not suposed to, life isnt a story
my dreamy socks (10:20:59 PM): when I can't predict
SweetAsCandis (10:21:04 PM): you have to just let what happens happen and take it as it comes
my dreamy socks (10:21:11 PM): i wrap myself up in stories, its all I know
SweetAsCandis (10:21:24 PM): and remember that it always turns out okay in the end...
SweetAsCandis (10:21:33 PM): but sometimes it gets harder before it gets better
SweetAsCandis (10:23:03 PM): in a story... when you cant predict it you just keep reading right? cuz you cant change it all you can do is keep reading and see how it works out... but it always does... that is like lifemy dreamy socks (10:23:29 PM): right, but sometimes you have to put down a book
my dreamy socks (10:23:33 PM): and I haave to do that often in life
my dreamy socks (10:23:35 PM): put it down
my dreamy socks (10:23:51 PM): its why i "disappear" sometimes
SweetAsCandis (10:24:00 PM): disappear?
my dreamy socks (10:24:00 PM): or take numerous days off and sleep those days away
SweetAsCandis (10:24:05 PM): ohh
my dreamy socks (10:24:13 PM): disappear..I stop talking, I don't trust anyone, so I don't go near anyone
my dreamy socks (10:24:22 PM): and I k inda stay in my room
my dreamy socks (10:24:25 PM): in my closet, and read
my dreamy socks (10:24:35 PM): for days, or weeks
my dreamy socks (10:24:53 PM): and somehow, I put myself down, like a book...just waiting for someone to pick me back up, liek a book
my dreamy socks (10:25:41 PM): but i don't always get picked back up liek a book...
SweetAsCandis (10:26:04 PM): you have to pick yourself up then
my dreamy socks (10:26:10 PM): i do...eventually
my dreamy socks (10:26:23 PM): but I wait sometimes too long
SweetAsCandis (10:26:43 PM): ::nods::
SweetAsCandis (10:26:53 PM): i have to go to bed hun...
my dreamy socks (10:26:54 PM): and I guess by me telling you
my dreamy socks (10:27:10 PM): this... I don't want to loose you incase I dno't pick myself up soonmy dreamy socks (10:27:19 PM): I'm glad to talk to you..and if you understand anything, thats awesome!my dreamy socks (10:27:22 PM): I'll see you tomorrow morning!!!
my dreamy socks (10:27:23 PM): xoxox
SweetAsCandis (10:27:55 PM): i do understand... im always here if you need to talk hun... or if you need some0ne to pick you up i can try to be that someone
my dreamy socks (10:28:24 PM): thanks alot, honestly
SweetAsCandis (10:28:35 PM): all i can say is... have faith and remember that it always turns out well in the end... just like a book things work out
SweetAsCandis (10:28:37 PM): ::hug::
my dreamy socks (10:28:48 PM): yeah...
SweetAsCandis (10:28:50 PM): good night hun... see you tomorrow
my dreamy socks (10:28:58 PM): even though there maybe a few twists, and turns
SweetAsCandis (10:29:04 PM): exactly
my dreamy socks (10:29:17 PM): thanks.. for reminding me of those!
SweetAsCandis (10:29:50 PM): no problem... sometimes we just need to hear what we already know i guess