I need you so much closer...

I'm sorry I dissapointed you

and another post for today...

a conversation I had with a friend...

very person, very vague, very imaginative

my dreamy socks (10:02:53 PM): its weird, because I don't hate people
my dreamy socks (10:03:01 PM): I just almost feel insecure, or something
SweetAsCandis (10:03:35 PM): what do you mean?
my dreamy socks (10:04:09 PM): i'm not really sure
my dreamy socks (10:04:19 PM): I just feel very weary of people around me sometimes
SweetAsCandis (10:04:25 PM): yeah
my dreamy socks (10:04:30 PM): like not depressed, but scared of everyone
SweetAsCandis (10:04:50 PM): yeah... i think i know what you mean
my dreamy socks (10:06:28 PM): okay...
SweetAsCandis (10:06:50 PM): ya know what... its kinda weird... that our entire lives are built around other people
SweetAsCandis (10:07:27 PM): i dont like that... i wish i could be completely independant from other people... but at the same time i love having my friends and everyone...
my dreamy socks (10:07:41 PM): and you know what
my dreamy socks (10:07:50 PM): you can't live without the relationships that you make
SweetAsCandis (10:07:56 PM): i know
my dreamy socks (10:08:01 PM): I make my distanced, or make believe
my dreamy socks (10:08:11 PM): when maybe make theirs close, and weening
my dreamy socks (10:08:38 PM): and sometimes I fear
my dreamy socks (10:08:50 PM): i fear I live in the books I read
my dreamy socks (10:08:56 PM): or the relationships I make believe with characters
SweetAsCandis (10:09:11 PM): i know exactly what you mean
my dreamy socks (10:09:29 PM): and sometimes I wish I could make my real friends permant
my dreamy socks (10:09:38 PM): like I knew they were as real as my book characters
SweetAsCandis (10:09:46 PM): when i read a book i loose myself in it
SweetAsCandis (10:10:09 PM): i can lose my own problems or whatever in the book and take on theirs... and its easier to carry other people problems...
my dreamy socks (10:10:14 PM): and I wish you wiht the few others I trust come alive and be at myside as much as the novel beside my nightstand
SweetAsCandis (10:11:09 PM): aww... ::hug:: i want to hun
my dreamy socks (10:13:24 PM): but this is what i mean
my dreamy socks (10:13:36 PM): and sometimes... i can't take the fact that it can't happen
my dreamy socks (10:13:40 PM): and I sleep for a long time
my dreamy socks (10:13:43 PM): and thats all I want to do
my dreamy socks (10:13:44 PM): ever
SweetAsCandis (10:14:00 PM): what do you mean it cant happen?
my dreamy socks (10:16:15 PM): i dont' know
SweetAsCandis (10:16:32 PM): it can happen... it will
my dreamy socks (10:16:33 PM): i'm always afarid... and seond guessing
my dreamy socks (10:17:11 PM): i just don't think it can happen..
my dreamy socks (10:17:18 PM): i get too nervous to make things happen
SweetAsCandis (10:17:21 PM): of course it can... eventually
my dreamy socks (10:17:28 PM): I can be a leader only when I feel i know
SweetAsCandis (10:17:50 PM): but... why do you have to be a leader?
my dreamy socks (10:18:37 PM): *hold head in hands*
my dreamy socks (10:18:38 PM): I don't know
SweetAsCandis (10:19:02 PM): just... let things happen... they will still happen
my dreamy socks (10:20:32 PM): nothing ever happens like a story anymore
my dreamy socks (10:20:47 PM): I become afarid when I cna't see the ending like in a novel
SweetAsCandis (10:20:52 PM): its not suposed to, life isnt a story
my dreamy socks (10:20:59 PM): when I can't predict
SweetAsCandis (10:21:04 PM): you have to just let what happens happen and take it as it comes
my dreamy socks (10:21:11 PM): i wrap myself up in stories, its all I know
SweetAsCandis (10:21:24 PM): and remember that it always turns out okay in the end...
SweetAsCandis (10:21:33 PM): but sometimes it gets harder before it gets better
SweetAsCandis (10:23:03 PM): in a story... when you cant predict it you just keep reading right? cuz you cant change it all you can do is keep reading and see how it works out... but it always does... that is like lifemy dreamy socks (10:23:29 PM): right, but sometimes you have to put down a book
my dreamy socks (10:23:33 PM): and I haave to do that often in life
my dreamy socks (10:23:35 PM): put it down
my dreamy socks (10:23:51 PM): its why i "disappear" sometimes
SweetAsCandis (10:24:00 PM): disappear?
my dreamy socks (10:24:00 PM): or take numerous days off and sleep those days away
SweetAsCandis (10:24:05 PM): ohh
my dreamy socks (10:24:13 PM): disappear..I stop talking, I don't trust anyone, so I don't go near anyone
my dreamy socks (10:24:22 PM): and I k inda stay in my room
my dreamy socks (10:24:25 PM): in my closet, and read
my dreamy socks (10:24:35 PM): for days, or weeks
my dreamy socks (10:24:53 PM): and somehow, I put myself down, like a book...just waiting for someone to pick me back up, liek a book
my dreamy socks (10:25:41 PM): but i don't always get picked back up liek a book...
SweetAsCandis (10:26:04 PM): you have to pick yourself up then
my dreamy socks (10:26:10 PM): i do...eventually
my dreamy socks (10:26:23 PM): but I wait sometimes too long
SweetAsCandis (10:26:43 PM): ::nods::
SweetAsCandis (10:26:53 PM): i have to go to bed hun...
my dreamy socks (10:26:54 PM): and I guess by me telling you
my dreamy socks (10:27:10 PM): this... I don't want to loose you incase I dno't pick myself up soonmy dreamy socks (10:27:19 PM): I'm glad to talk to you..and if you understand anything, thats awesome!my dreamy socks (10:27:22 PM): I'll see you tomorrow morning!!!
my dreamy socks (10:27:23 PM): xoxox
SweetAsCandis (10:27:55 PM): i do understand... im always here if you need to talk hun... or if you need some0ne to pick you up i can try to be that someone
my dreamy socks (10:28:24 PM): thanks alot, honestly
SweetAsCandis (10:28:35 PM): all i can say is... have faith and remember that it always turns out well in the end... just like a book things work out
SweetAsCandis (10:28:37 PM): ::hug::
my dreamy socks (10:28:48 PM): yeah...
SweetAsCandis (10:28:50 PM): good night hun... see you tomorrow
my dreamy socks (10:28:58 PM): even though there maybe a few twists, and turns
SweetAsCandis (10:29:04 PM): exactly
my dreamy socks (10:29:17 PM): thanks.. for reminding me of those!
SweetAsCandis (10:29:50 PM): no problem... sometimes we just need to hear what we already know i guess

its time to come in now...

A list of things that have happened thus far...

1. Applied to my top 4 choices, but still have an essay to write for Emmanuel
2. Begun a relationship with a girl who lives in Troy, Ny.
3. Recieved 2nd team all division
4. Gone to physical therapy for my damaged shoulder
5. Bought Under the Tuscan Sun
6. Had my 17th Birthday
7. Drove to Warwick
8. Recieved my real license in the mail
9. Made friends with a few people from Chariho over myspace
10. Paid for a trip to NY, and to FL
11. Snuck to Ny for Leahs bday
12. Drank for the first time since summer and passed out in a chair on Katie
13. Ate a brownie
14. Made a cup for JoJo
15. Made a special present for Jamie
16. Had a talk with Yelena which was weird
17. Had 2 figures of Morgan broken
18. Applied for 2 scholarships
19. Began working again at the General Stanton Inn
20. Took a bus to Providence to see Jamie, but what to do it again
21. Had a girl sleepover with a group of vball girls with Kevin and Karyn
22. Had a Senior Night and got helmets and pillows
23. Had Chinese with Amanda and Casper in the back of an Alley Way
24. Watched the Wizard of Oz
25. Had a drunk Andrey call me
26. Dropped College Math Review for second semester
27. licked the cafateria floor
28. looked for another job, but to no avail
29. started drinking coffee again
30. got pulled over
31. broke my left big toe
32. went to the revival house with sean/ reign/ amanda
33. walked around westerly park with martha
34. finally talked to alycia who lives in CA but used to work at GSI
35. played old school nintendo with Chelsea and her house Leah
36. got another pirate hat but left it in petes car!!
37. flew to ny by balloons
38. worked on thanksgiving
39. finally met derek, colleens long time friend
40. took a shower
41. ate these awesome potatoes from ellens mother
42. went to haileys 16th bday party
43. went skinny dipping
44. had chinese and watched movies with colleen
45. spent a day with Becky after she came home in bed
46. saw libby at my last vball game
47. fought scuba in his front yard and lost
48. russians vs. germans!!
49. ran away from my mom
50. HID IN A TREE
51. got naked from a game of "circle of death" in leahs room
52. ....car....katie/andi/brittany
53. failed a french test with a 34
54. spent almost every sunday with amanda
55. finally started work on the sr. sports video


more later...

heres to all the boys and girls

Look at your closest friends...
Created by playintheleaves and taken 299 times on bzoink!
Of your friends...
Who have you known the longest?	Reed
Who have you met and friended most recently?	Cry, Rachel, Audrie
Who is a brother to you?	Sean, Andrey, Eric, Stevie Major, Kevin Erickson
Who is a sister to you?	Yelena, Crystal, Becky/Emily Anderson, Jamie
Who's arms do you feel safest in?	Jamie
Who has the most interesting name?	Yelena Belov
Who knows all of your darkest secrets?	Jamie, Yelena
Who do you spend the most time with?	now...my brother, GSI empoyees, Chelsea Keating
Who would you spend your last days with?	my brother
Who gives the best advice?	Becky, myself
Give us a word of their advice...	always keep a hug, smile, and backpack ready for you never know where your traveling life might take you next!
Who has the most inside jokes with you?	Crystal, Yelena, Jamie
Opposite sex friend closest to you?	Paul Andrews
Same sex friend closest to you?	Becky, Jamie
Name three people you could share an apartment with	Becky/Emily, Colleen
Who picks on you most?	Nadia
Who do you pick on the most?	Sam Major
Who do you fight with most?	Yelena
Who is the tallest?	Paul Andrews, Angelo Sullo
Shortest?	Torri Harvey
Has best eyes?	Jamie has lightning in her eyes
Best smile?	Lucas
Nicest hair?	Bonnie
Smells nicest?	Hailey
Who is smallest?	Torri, Katherine
Largest?	Paul, Angelo
Who has the most soothing voice?	Lucas
Most comforting touch?	Jamie
Gives the best hugs?	Becky, Katherine
Has, or is rumored to have, the best kiss?	Jamie/ Adam in the park...hehe
Who is the shyest?	Kayla Ferriah
Sweetest?	Kelsey Williamson
Funniest	Sean
Weirdest?	Cory
Smartest?	Joeli, Becky, Emily, Ben
Ditziest?	Liston
Has the most ambition?	Tanya
Most potential?	Becky
Who are you closest to?	my brother
Who is the best listener?	Jamie
Who do you talk to most online?	Ny Katie
Who do you talk to most on the phone?	Ny Katie
Who do you talk to most in person?	when I see each other Jamie, but Nicole in school
Who do you trust the most?	Joeli
Who is the best singer?	Lucas, Yelena, Colleen
Dancer?	Nicole
Actor?	Sean, Mike
Writer?	Paul
Who is the prettiest?	Katherine, Hailey, Bonnie,Jamie, Yelena, Becky, NY Leah, Bonnie,
Sexiest?	Bonnie, NY Leah, Briana
Most suggestive?	Paul
Softest?	Joeli
Sharpest?	Matty, Emily, Beck
Who do you have most fun with?	Colleen, Pete and the Ny Crew, Beck and I tend the paint the town, Emily and her dance till dawns
Who do you do the most interesting things with?	Sean...squirrel fising/ old bunkers--Pete...running f/ my mother, Ny and all those parties
Who do you always do the same things with?	Jamie but it never gets old
Who was the last person you shared a secret with?	Nicole
Last person you suprised (what was it?)	Colleen I was sleeping infront of her dorm
Last person you gave a gift (what was it?)	I gave letters to all my vball girls
Last person you gave something of yours (what was it?)	I made Joeli a cup, but I'm going to have to wait until after she comes back from England to send it to her
Last person you hung out with?	Colleen
Last person you dreamed of?	Katie
Last person who broke your heart?	I did more of the breaking with Adam
Last person who made you laugh?	Audrie
Last person who made you cry?	my vball girls
Made you smile, just a little?	Kayla Trenholm... beef stew
Made you smile really big?	Paul
Made you sad?	JoJo is leaving for England
Worried you?	Katie, she is really sick
In a Final Fantasy Mission, who would you take with you as (include self):
The leader, "jack of all trades"/romantic icon	Pete
The magic-caster/Healer	Bree
The physical strength/fighter	Chelsea/ Eric Herman
The technician/Pilot	Adam Wilcox
The weapons specialist (IE sharpshooter, sniper, etc)	Becky
The intelligence/Strategist	Joeli
Of your friends, who is the:
Brain	JoJo
Athlete	Chelsea, myself
Princess	Elizabeth
Basket-Case	Casper
Criminal	Leah M
Who is the:
Obsessive one?	Yelena
Enigmatic/Mysterious one?	Hailey
Crazy one?	Laura
Artistic one?	Marc Godden
Sexual one?	Becky
Lost one?	Colleen
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

pace...

I really liked Pace, but if I play vball I have to go to the campus in Pleasantville..hahaha!!

I'm still looking at Simmons(all womens)=boston
Wheelock(really small)=boston
Hunter(small amount of housing)=nyc
St. Rose=albany

I had to get this out

Like the coming and going of the oceans tide I shall never cease my life adventures and excursions of happiness. Time rushes forward no matter what slows down on mother earth; aside from everything else I am forever constantly loving, moving, and changing. The moonflowers close at the first sight of the rising sun, mirroring my heart as it explodes like the wick of a roman candle being blown out. Just before I succumb to the never ending dreams of family TV dinners and bells ringing, I think of another roman candle living in flame and being blown out just at the same exact moment.
Look here big sister, no matter what comes and goes, I always try to avoid all the losses, and trouble by choosing my independence over our love. I close my eyes at night with pride for freedom, stability, and blissfulness. Recently, I can’t walk by spotted plates without pausing; wet grass gives me goosebumps, I refuse to sleep anywhere but against a wall or clutching a pillow underneath my left arm upon my loveseat in hopes of never experiencing loneliness again, even in my dreams.
Your philosophies have been clumsily poured out in my hands; daring secrets, and soiled hatred covered my face, and your unstable dreams filled my chest. I gasped for air just as we met; however, recovery hasn’t been prolonged but has been short and painless. Thus resulting in an eventual overthrow of a vast embodiment of my heart felt anxiety, and the nervousness I never wanted to accept. I practiced what to say to you just to make sure the words all came out right. Until I realized all is beautiful to you. There was simply no need to rhyme, or use patterns to touch you, but you tremble with words of truth, and trust.
I envision pure love, and gleeful girl sentiment, I imagine shooting stars and wishing on all the trite powers of the world. I want to run through each raindrop jumping carelessly off bridges, and blowing out birthday candles together. All the things best friends do, all the things I secretly have wanted, but couldn’t do without you.
At six years old, I didn’t imagine a white wedding, or twirling around in my prom dress. I toyed with the idea of a friend. I would sit and create every aspect I wanted. I pulled my friends from story books, for I knew they could never talk back, hurt, or disappoint me. In my heart I ran through corn fields chasing all my friends but to a horrible realization-I couldn’t find a single true body. Come to find out, I never ran through a corn field, but I created a story book picture with a violinist playing a sad toon that no one could hear but me. I danced softy stepping on every crack, and laughing at my room with all its unfinished pieces of artwork. I never could choose the colors of which portraits looked best in; my hand trembled if anyone wanted to help.
Until one day where I chanced into meeting someone real. One day as the sun glistened off my iced over heart, and my arm hung limply from an imaginary sling of frustration I ran into another one of life’s actresses unable to act with a broken arm. For sure she was just faking or pretending to like me. I wouldn’t get close enough to receive a fast blow that may take me out of the upcoming auditions for feelings. I waited for the next full moon, until approaching her any closer. The air was still, and our eyes didn’t falter ever with the absence of freedom. A rope fell to the ground between our two small feet where together we reached down never faltered while together. We each wrapped a small hand around ends and together the days seemed to fly by endless producing bliss.
People spoke in such quiet voices and turned their heads against our small bodies presence day by day, the rope of secrets and dreams grew shorter with each closing moonflower, and each storybook page that is turned. The girls locked eyes, feeling the crowds around then mean nothing but the closeness and hope of love for each other.
A small yellow bird always flew near singing songs of complication, and confusion. In turn, together we took flight to disprove everything said, everything mustered in thought and everything against us!
Despite the pouring rain, the difference in dreams, hopes, family, and toothpaste flavor despite each hour separating us we each still tightly grasped our end of the feeble arm, holding hands lovingly and comfortably never wanting another day apart. Radiating from one another same fears, loves, hopes, wants, dreams, and spirit we both become the same, and happy.
I tried begging you not to fall in love with me, and I tried to block each sweet word. However, t he change of dark clouds to shining rays never ceased despite my false cries of infliction. For they were nothing but fake and I only wanted to save you from the world of hate, and to guide your happiness with handshakes and hugs. My voice changed, and my hands no longer trembled throughout the day. I was able to shoot my bow straight, as I could see more clearly and I knew exactly what colors fit best in all my paintings. My finished art work was hung with care in your heart as I keep sake no matter what fails, or what changes. We’ll always clutch our ends of the rope despite if it uncoils, and we’ll still have our ends…I’ll be sure to practice my sailing knots to tie our ends back together and string new beads of our dreams, hopes, and friendship across in colors of joy. Forevermore my love, I stand here at the beginning of life’s track. The gun has been blown and the timer awaits our laps to the finish line we’ll be perfect and have the best time; together.

jeez

Paul and I become more alike by the day. I remember last year when he found a note in his locker reading "stop following your sisters footsteps" and it related to so many different things.

Last night at the wedding, he leans over to me and says "Danielle, I was just thinking about tonight. There is going to be so much food wasted, and all I can think about is how we are wasting it, and p eople in third world countries don't have a pot to piss in."

When Paul and I were little, we would spend a large amount of time with my Aunt Sharon in Boston. At night we would walk through the town, and along with seeing many street performers, there would also be many homeless sitting on the street with signs, sleep, or asking for change. Paul always asked why they were doing it, and he would cry because he couldn't help them.

Paul has grown up so much, I was afarid to leave for college, but I know that he will always talk to me, even if he has to ask for help, and he'll be fine when it is necessary to stay away from my mother.

Time flys when you're having fun.

ALL I WANT IT YOUR KISS!

You Know You're From Rhode Island When...


You celebrate "birt-day"
If your oldah brodah is a retad.
If you had a "wickit" good time at the beach.
When you hear an amazing fact your immidiate reply is "no suh!"
You can't drive two miles with out seeing a Bess Eaton
You know the difference between red, white and clear chowdah
You consider a car journey of longer than one hour a day trip.
You can you curse in Italian.
You know the basic rules of DuckPin bowling.
You own garden tools from Job Lot.
You have tried to drive the measured mile in less then 45 seconds.
You know what the expression "side by each" means.
You have used the expression "Not For Nuthin" or "bubbla".
You serve bread with every meal.
You know what "3 all the way" means.
You load up on milk and bread before a snowstorm.
You feel compelled to hear at least one weather report a day.
You understand the humor of the Ocean State Follies.
You have pulled out of a sidestreet and used your car to blockoncoming traffic so you could make a left-hand turn.
You consider your holiday season incomplete without a trip toLasalette Shrine.
You have a bottle of coffee syrup in the fridge right now.
You've phoned into a talk show on WPRO or WHJJ.
You have given a bottle of Sakonnet wine as a gift.
You've gotten sick from eating too many clam cakes.
You own at least one coffee table book with a picture of a lighthouseon it.
You've boasted about the money you saved at the Christmas TreeShop.
Your first live concert was at The Civic Center or Rocky Point.
You own a hat with a red "P" on it.
You were born at Lying-In Hospital.
You still call the Rhode Island Mall the Midland Mall.
You have close relatives who work for the state.
You've gone to "Legs and Eggs".
You have used a demolished landmark when giving directions.
You secretly watch "Providence" even though you tell your friends youdon't.
You have slammed on your breaks to discourage a tailgater.
You know what a burger "The Newport Creamery Way" is.
You have dated a girl named Brenda or a guy named Vinnie.
You have used the breakdown lane on 95 to pass someone.
You've personally met Vinnie Paz.
Your idea of a dream house is a raised ranch.
You have relatives who have been to Edgehill Newport, Codac, orButler.
You have driven more than 5 miles out of your way to save less thantwo bucks.
You been on a RIPTA bus less than 12 times in the past 6 years.
You can sing the Rocky Point theme song.
You know what a "governor-preferred" plate is.
You know someone who works for the Registry.
You've asked your mechanic for an inspection sticker even thoughyour car failed to pass.
You have a degree from RIC, CCRI or URI.
You think vodka and Del's is a great combination.
You've been to Twin Oaks for your birthday.
You've borrowed dealer plates from a friend.
You know how to pronounce Pawtucket, Cowesett, Usqepaug, andNarragansett.
You've been to Scarborough Beach but not Block Island.
You know where "The Pier" is located.
You've been on a Bay Queen cruise.
You can recognize a Cranston accent.
You think high hair, gold chains, and gum go together.
You think there's a "v" in the name Cheryl.
You drop the "w" in Greenwich, Kingstown, and Warwick.
You use the expression "down-city" for downtown.
You've eaten at Haven Brothers.
You celebrate St. Joseph's Day and know what a "zeppolla" is.
You have at least one gallon of Newport Creamery coffee ice creamin your freezer.
You know what "ProJo" stands for.
You still call CCRI "reject".
You know who Jack Comly, Sara Wye and Sherm Strickhauser are.
Your city house and your beach house are less than an hour away fromeach other.
You know the original name for Airport Road.
You always start giving directions by saying, "Well, you get on 95"
You know where "NiRoPe" comes from.
You know what "John from Alpert's" sounds like.
You can recite the license plates of all your family members and friends.
You know where "Harvard on the Hill" is located.
You refer to the movies as the Show.
You know what a "package store" is.
You think lots of gold jewelery looks great on the beach.
Your favorite expressions are, "Are you serious?", "Wicked", and "Youknow what I'm saying?"
You know you need "quahogs" to make "stuffies".
You know there's a West End but not a West Providence.
You think banana, vanilla, and idea all end in "r".
You know what a burger "The Newport Creamery Way" is.
You put vinegar on your french fries.
You've eaten at Haven Brothers, drunk.
You know what Allie's makes.
You've gone to Cumbie's for milk or gas. (HAHAHAHA Cumbie's!!)
You know that there is never any school in Fosta-Glosta when it snows.
The girl you ended up marrying lived no more than 6 blocks from where you grew up.
You've converted the basement of your house into an apartment
.You call spaghetti sauce, "gravy."
You tell friends that something is "on special", instead of on sale.
The meal at every wedding you've ever attended was chicken, shells and french fries.
You put celery salt on your hot dogs.
You are never from Providence, or East Providence, but from the East Side, Rumford or Riverside
You order an iced coffee in December.
You read the wedding announcements in the Sunday Pro-Jo and recognize at least 3 couples.
The seltzer guy delivers bottles to your home on a weekly basis.
People at work wish you a "Happy St. Joseph's Day!
You know someone who knew the Farrelly brothers when they lived around here.
You know exactly which parts of Dumb and Dumber, There's Something About Mary, Meet Joe Black and Amistad were filmed in RI, and you can tell someone exactly where that is.
You know what the Coffee Cup Salute is, and who does it every morning.
You grew up with everyone you see at Stop and Shop.
You know where South County is, even though it doesn't exist.
You and everyone you know are either Italian or Irish, or both.
You’ve never been farther south than Jersey, and not farther West than there, either, but are planning to move to Florida as soon as you turn 60.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Rhode Island.